Sunday, August 31, 2008

Loss comes to us all

One of my online friends lost her husband recently. I am not going to get into details here. Even though she was one of those people that lived as an exhibitionist some things are private. I would like to be able to send her words of comfort but I have as of yet been unsuccessful in composing that letter.
The pain of loosing your spouse is different for everyone. I can only talk about my own experience with authority and that is of necessity shaped by my understanding of the universe. For me the pain has not gone away, it really has not lessened . At times I can block it out and the periods that I can block it out for have gotten longer but when I stop and reflect the wound is still as raw.
This is not the concept I want to impart to the rest of the world. I do not wish to add to the despair that the human condition unleashes upon the hapless world. I do not wish to deceive though, I do not want to hand out the platitudes and false hope that the religious toss about with such arrogance and callousness. That well meaning people spew without any knowledge of the truth. She is in a better place ,the pain is ended, you will see them again some day. Cruel words that have no meaning.
Cary suffered in life and so they feel this will some how relieve that suffering. What in fact it does is diminish what she went through. Life’s a bitch and then you die is not a very satisfying philosophy but it is what it is. All you can do for a friend is listen when they talk, hold them when they cry, give them their space when they want it and forgive their outbursts. It is about them and their place in the grand scheme and they will muddle through as will we all. Or they wont. That is the realization that is the hardest. Nobody gets out unscathed ,unscarred, unchanged. We go on in our own way and in the end No one gets out alive.

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