I Had a Point When I Started

Sitting above the waves watching the bold ply their skills and the vigorous run along the cliffs I regret my time sequestered from the world that has been this past year.



I find myself thinking dark thoughts and so I am leaving the edge and heading down to the sand and what the new tides will bring. Not cool when the ledge starts to look like a reasonable option.

I find I am unable to release my anger. Impotent rage is the most useless of emotions. "Hate him back", doesn't work for me as I don't believe in "Him", in the first place. It serves no purpose to rage at the Medical Machine. The one doctor's incompetence cost a week of delay at the surgical clinic but didn't alter the outcome in any significant way. The Hospice and their half assed work while the celebrated the birth of Jebus or the death of the year or whatever fetivus they partook of did make the events more traumatic but again altered the outcome not one wit. Family tantrums and hasty decisions take no heed of my anguish as does evolution and its' creation of the oncogenes in the first place.

This most useless of pastimes creeps into my thoughts in idle times when the wind and the the rain are stealing my sleep and the cold grinds into my joints.

Dropped down the hill to check out the loud annoying whine of motors and screech of tires that shattered my peaceful Saturday morning. Seems a group of geeks on rice burners were attempting to repave the parking lot of one of the local pot lot auto sellers with the rubber of their back tires. I know this sounds like a bit of a futile pursuit undertaken for the amusement of the rabble but as part of the rabble I was indeed diverted from the mundane pattern of my day for a brief moment. And in the end what more does one really expect from ones entertainments but a moment of distraction on the road to worm food? We are born, we grow, the world takes its periodic dumps on us and yet we go on living each day searching for a reason to do so. Some days it is easy, we have friends to meet, loved ones to love, children to nurture. The things that fill up the days and warm our nights then one day are gone. If one is lucky the days will be many and you will become old. In the fullness of time you will come to the end and be satisfied, surrounded by the things and people that seemed to matter but you will still be alone. I have been at the side of a great many folks at that moment. Some were friends, some were family, some were lovers and others strangers. At that one moment no thing can comfort you, no one can take away the loneliness that falls from the darkness. That is the one truth we must all conquer and once conquered we can go about filling up our lives and be truly happy. Here is a bit of video from the material world to fill up some of your day.